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| Saturday, October 22nd, 2005 | | 2:40 pm |
Update... Suprised?
Just moved to Windsor Village, its still hard to find things that we need everyday. There is still a lot of "Where is my hairbrush?" "In one of the boxes." "I checked the boxes." "No the other boxes." "What other boxes? Nevermind, it's not like brushing my hair would make a difference anyway." So I went to run errands and the electric company isn't open despite its message that it's open 24/7 and I couldn't pay my phone or credit card bill on the computers at the library. (That's where I am now.) I wish Comcast would hurry up and transfer internet to our new apartment. Gonna go play racquetball with Christian. Maybe that will help me feel a little better. Oh yeah, we are gonna have a party over at our new apartment sunday night at 8:30. Just a reminder. After not posting for so long I could go on for pages but I won't bore anyone with a month's worth of old news. Later ~BNJ Providence | | Saturday, September 10th, 2005 | | 1:08 pm |
Still no power
Still no power at the house, which makes it what, 13 days? I came to the library to check my financial aid and all that stuff. At least thats all taken care of now. On the bright side the power people should be out any time now... Or at least thats what I keep telling myself. I would kill for a long hot shower right now. Maybe I'll swing by Jake's and get one. I'll just show up with a towel over my shoulder and soap in hand. Just walk straight back to the bathroom without a word. That might be funny. Pam invited us over tonight to cook for us at her boyfriends house. Beats MREs. Tonight or tomorrow I'll probably head to my grandparent's and dad's; from what I can gather my g'parents are pissy because my brother and I went to Texas instead of helping them. ~BNJ Current Mood: Wanting Power!!!!! | | Monday, August 22nd, 2005 | | 10:27 pm |
There's no way that should have worked
Ever see something happened and your brain says, "There's no way that should have worked?" Today several of my friends and I were helping a friend move his bed into his new apartment. After several minutes of struggling to fit the box spring up the stairs, we decided that, unless the physical properties of reality suddenly no longer applied, it was NOT going to fit. After several minutes of thought, we decided to cut it in half. Thats right we decided to cut the box spring in half and carry it up that way. Once we decided it had to be done we just took each step one at a time to reach the goal. Get tools. Mark the cuts. Cut the boards. Fold it in half. Carry it up the stairs. Reinforce the cut boards with small board sections. Now that its over and I'm thinking back though, I can't believe it actually worked. It looks almost exactly like it did before we cut it unless you examine the inside. There's no way that should have worked, but somehow it did. I'll try to scan the picture I took and post it when I get the rest of the film used and developed. ~BNJ "A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body." ~'Elifino | | Sunday, August 21st, 2005 | | 10:34 pm |
Dune
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. ~Bene Gesserit saying | | Saturday, August 20th, 2005 | | 7:43 pm |
Not much =)
Got back from my Dad's got paperwork that was really pressing done, helped dad finish some important stuff, and my grandpa who had been Really sick is feeling a lot better. Now I'm just sitting in the dark enjoying the sunset and the charge in the air from the rain. It seems like the first tranquil moment I've had in a while. I guess sometimes we overlook the small things like enjoying a peaceful moment or a beautiful sunset when we get busy with other things. Current Mood:  peaceful | | Friday, August 19th, 2005 | | 1:53 pm |
Masks
Personas are the outward projections we use day to day to interact with other people when we feel unsafe revealing their inner-self. They are the masks we use to deal with other people to avoid being hurt. One of the most primal fears people have is the fear of rejection especially after sharing a part of their inner-selves so instead we use masks. A rejected mask can be fixed or discarded, but who you are can't. Now to offer more background about myself not to brag but to put what I'm about to talk about in perspective, I'm pretty adept at looking through masks to peoples underlying motives and feelings. When I dated my first serious girlfriend in highschool I knew what she was feeling and why she would do certain things before she did. When I dated a girl my freshman year of college after she moved away I went and visited her quite a few times. One of these visits the moment I looked into her face I knew she had become interested in someone else and was spending time with them. I checked up to confirm this even though I knew that me checking on her would be the reason she broke up with me. At Ropers I could listen to a group for a few minutes and tell about any person in the group. That guy is nervous because he is married but doesnt want anyone to know. If you don't think so check his ring finger it should have a slight tan line. Yeah he does. Not that that makes him less of a person. In a book I read "Speaker of the Dead" sequel to "Ender's Game" it talked a lot about how if you really understand the nature of a person, you can't help but love them. When people do hurtful things they do them for a reason 99.9% of people don't do evil for the sake of evil. If you understand why a person does a thing it is easy to forgive them because you might have done the exact same thing if you had been through what they went through earlier in life and were faced with the same choice. The roundabout point I'm trying to make which isn't even really a point but more of an observation, is I met a person that is completely unreadable to me. I even spoke with this person for a few hours once and their personas gave no hint to what was beneath them. The ability to present a flawless mask much like cake is not naturally occurring, some longterm conflict(s) must be invovled. We all have skeletons and demons in our closets but I find myself wondering what caused this person to develop this. This person appears to have had a normal childhood, not that I could even , apart from being very intelligent and slightly eccentric. Then again almost all of my friends are very intelligent and a bit eccentric. This enigmatic person makes me curious but also uneasy. This person could potentially hate my guts and I would never know unless they wanted me to. That ability makes them one of the more dangerous people I know. Maybe thats why I'm instinctively hesitant and withdrawn when I'm around them. It probably doesn't help that I was unintentionally an asshole to them the other day either. Well I have to run errands and I've already typed more than any American attention span can withstand. I guess the only conclusion I can draw from all of this is I should avoid playing poker with them. =p ~BNJ If God is for us, who can be against us? ~Rom. 8:31 Current Music: "People Are Strange" ~Echo | | Sunday, August 14th, 2005 | | 1:15 pm |
I'm gonna be gone to Natchez 'til tuesday or wednesday helping a friend shoot a film. ~BNJ Quote of the day: "What do I care? I have a growth on my pecker." ~Elvis | | Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 | | 6:08 pm |
Today: [Hobo]x1 and "almost drowning"
I'm usually very adamant about giving hobos a ride. Today I felt compelled to break my rule when one was trying to bum a ride off me. So I let this black guy in my car and I'd like to believe he was just really upset from almost losing his 9th unborn child as he would have me believe but he was probably just cracked out. He introduced himself twice. Anyway after a questionable story about him being a computer programmer, (No jokes Jake) just getting back from Alaska (No jokes Dustin)I proceeded to drive him into downtown to presumably meet his wife. I could have easily told if he were a real programmer with a few questions but it really didn't seem to matter if he was lying or not. Anyway we went to a community center and I dropped him off. No incident. It was a weird feeling to drive a total stranger down into the ghetto and not be in the very least worried. I just had confidence that God wanted me to do this and He would be with me no matter what happened. After all this I had to take some stuff out to my dad and doofus me decided to swim the creek with 15 or 20 pounds of castnet on my stomach which proceeded to spread out and sag off my sides and down tangling my legs. After failing to reball it up, I stuck the edge in my mouth and flipped it all off somehow then swam the dozen or so remaining feet. *Relieved* ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sunflow321's summary: God is good. I'm a doofus... Current Mood:  hungry | | Saturday, August 6th, 2005 | | 3:15 pm |
It is done.
Finished working for my dad yesterday. For some reason I felt like there was a lot of closure with it. Almost as if things were about to dramatically change. Anyway I'm glad to be done I just wish he could pay me for the past 3 weeks now instead of when he gets his check for job completion in a few weeks. Til then I guess I'll pull some money off my credit card and pay it back in full in a few weeks. Well, guess this is going to be my week to relax even though I'm broke. Still I hope this week should be lots of fun, I'll probably update tomorrow with more info. Q&Q time! Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. ~Arthur Bloch I'm happy with these results Kaworu was my fav character.
What Neon Genesis Evangelion character are you? Current Mood: relaxed | | Sunday, July 31st, 2005 | | 10:09 pm |
Exhaustion... taking... hold... X_x
I'm pretty sure this is going to be the last week I'm working construction with my dad. To say I'm glad is an understatement. I've started having sleep paralysis again. Happened twice the last couple of days, once while I was dosing while dad was picking up supplies on the way to the job site early in the morning and again today. I was taking a nap and had a screwed up nightmarish dream where I was in bed at my grandparents and this inhuman arm was reaching out from under it toward me. Anyway when I woke up a big pillow I have was half stuck between the bed and wall and for a split second through my just woke up eyes it reminded me of the arm in my dream. Still kinda weirded out by the dream and the split second moment of panic from the pillow it was really creepy not being able to move. After struggling for a few long minutes, I finally woke myself up fully. How can you explain the feeling of helplessness you feel when you desperately want to move but are completely unable? It had been such a long time since it happened last I wasn't really thinking about it. I guess the easiest solution is to avoid taking naps and going to sleep at 8 or 10 so I get plenty of sleep before I have to wake up at 4 or 6 AM. It seems like it happens mostly when I try to take naps, but it may have to do with being exhausted from work. I can deal with lack of sleep during the school year no problem, but getting three hours sleep then working 10 hours of hard labor just isn't the same. The other day I was in my room right before going to sleep and my roommate walked up to my door. For a split second to my exhausted brain he looked like some creepy androganous thing in white clothes, long matted grey hair hanging down in its face and leaning against the doorframe with one arm staring at me. That was creepy especially right before going to sleep. Speaking of sleep, guess I need some before I scare myself to death from sleep deprived hallucinations. Quiz and Quote: Which element are you? I was tied for Water and Spirit. Linky to it below. http://www.streea-davis.com/element.htmOne night I dreamed I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, content with my lot. Suddenly I awoke and I was Chuang-Tzu again. Who am I in reality? A butterfly dreaming that I am Chuang-Tzu or Chuang-Tzu imagining he was a butterfly? ~Chuang-Tzu Current Mood:  exhausted | | Saturday, July 30th, 2005 | | 8:22 pm |
| | Friday, July 29th, 2005 | | 6:51 pm |
| | Tuesday, July 26th, 2005 | | 4:32 pm |
Quiz and Quote of the day...
In upholding the who are you quizzes and quotes I took another. Kinda disappointed, not because I don't like Neo but after three movies in retrospect he seems kinda... one dimensional? Oh well. And the quote for today is... *drumroll* He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. ~Nietzsche Which movie hero are you?  ~BNJ | | 4:15 pm |
Nice day?
Wow, today was the first nice day at work I've had in a while. Worked from 5 to just after noon. It was overcast and even rained some so it wasn't too hot. So instead of getting back here at say 6:30, I got back and 3 and don't have to be in until 7 tomorrow. Seems like I finally have some time to do something during the week instead of just going to sleep and leaving again. Hmm... Nice. Well guess I'm going to go to sleep now. j/k. Now that I seriously think about it though, I really don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe watch some more anime or something. Or call somebody else and see what they are doing. | | Sunday, July 24th, 2005 | | 3:50 pm |
More anime who are you
Took the Fruits Basket who are you quiz. Turns out I'm Yuki. Spent the first episode of the series (borrowed all of it from Justin) having Dent call me a creepy gay mouse. | | Saturday, July 23rd, 2005 | | 8:19 pm |
Updatification x 3
Still working about 10 hours a day construction. This week we were breaking up asphalt in a parking lot with a sledge hammer and impact drill to put up a fence around some big apartment complex. But I actually have saturday AND sunday off this weekend. *Jumps up excitedly then collapses in a coma on the couch.* It's not all bad though, I already have gotten a really decent tan and its helped tone up my muscles and stuff. The other day we stopped by a gas station to get gas and some drinks and a black guy was like "Wat'cho do ta get so dirty, man?" I told him. He was like "Damn man, you don't see many white people who'll get out in da heat and work like that." I thought it was kinda funny but what is that, reverse discrimination? White people only work jobs with AC's? Just thought I'd explain why I've been lazy slob when it comes to my spastic updates*coughs* I mean why I have been UNABLE to update consistently. Oh, yeah almost forgot, lightly resprained my left ankle today jumping over a six foot tall fence. Dur da dur apparently I was not aware that landing on the flat of your foot is better than landing on the side of it. And I usually pride myself on being agile. Guess everyone has to roll 1's sooner or later. ;) | | 8:05 pm |
Which Samurai Champloo character are you?
Yeah I guess it's to be expected as far as personalities go but still I LOVE Mugen's fighting style. So full of energy and fluidity of motion. Reminds me of Bruce Lee's speach about how when fighting you should be like water. Awesome quote, maybe I'll transcribe it here for you guys. *UPDATE* ~Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend. ~If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Moving, be like water. Still, be like a mirror. Respond like an echo. -Bruce Lee *End update*  You are Jin the Rounin Samurai. Stoic and reserved, you have a strong sense of right and wrong, plus the exceptional sword-skills to back it up. --When you choose to do so, that is. Which Samurai Champloo character are you? (with pics) brought to you by Quizilla | | 4:14 pm |
HP Book 6
*mild spoiler warning* Just finished book 6, took longer than I had hoped what with working so much and all. Grr want to vent or rant or something but, whats the point? *Is at a loss for words* Why does Rowling insist on killing off my favorite characters? Current Mood: gloomy | | Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 | | 8:42 pm |
Lately
So I've been untypically depressed lately. It feels strange posting something so personal here but I guess it's no more personal than my last post. I realized today that I was depressed because I have been working with my dad. Not because it is hard work, I don't mind, but because of being with my dad and how he seems to need me there for some kind of reassurance. He does need an extra hand but over the passed few month he has been in a weird mood. Before I continue allow me to follow a quick tangent. I'm not trying to spin some sob story or look for sympathy, I'm just being honest about what has been bothering me so much lately and explaining why. Sorry for the disclaimer. Anyway off to the tangent. So we were talking with John and the group around father's day about how children, male and female, look to their dad for verification. Boys for conformation of manhood and girls for assurance that they lovely. So we were all talking about our dad's and when it came my turn I was really upset and not sure why. My dad never took interest in anything I cared about. He never helped me with my homework not even when I was in first or second grade. The closest he has ever come to showing he cares would be saying "You know I love you, don't you son?" while highly intoxicated. Again I'm not shooting for the he-had-it-so-bad response. Most people probably feel pretty similarly about at least one of their parents, but then again most people's parents would show at least a moderate degree of concern or outrage when his now-ex-wife got mad at me, threw me down and kicked me repeatedly in the head. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about, not some my parents didn't hug me enough rant. Anyway now its like dad being on the verge of his third divorce, his oldest two children only talking to him a few times a year, and maybe even him losing his only brother before I was born must be triggering some kind of does-anyone-in-my-life-REALLY-care attitude. So the overall point that I have gone around the world to point out is that now it seems that, as my older siblings still harbor murderous resentment, these past few weeks of working with him isn't about him needing physical help as much as him needing to here that at least one of his children still chooses to be a part of his life after being on their own. That's why I'm not putting applications at other places now, that's why I'm waking up at 4 to 6 AM everyday, and that's why I've felt hurt and depressed lately. After all those years he needs reassurance even though he did a horrible job giving it. In spite of all this I love him very much and give it gladly. I'd like to say I have no resentment towards him, that it's all water under the bridge. But one thing sticks in my mind. When we were at John's and talking about at what point have/will you become a man. The answer I knew to be true for me, yet didn't know why, was, "When I bury my dad." | | Saturday, July 16th, 2005 | | 12:30 am |
What is happiness to you?
Dustin made the point tonight when we were talking in line that I have been writing on my LJ completely unlike how I really speak. I knew this was true as soon as he mentioned it, but at first I chalked it up to me having to write too many papers. After thinking about it on the way home, I realized that it was due more to mental screening I was unconsciously doing. Or maybe it was intentional. The point is I hadn't mentioned anything that was seriously on my mind deep down. So what's on my mind? What am I really thinking about right now? I'm thinking about the movie Vanilla Sky. In it one of the questions the main character gets asked is "What is happiness to you?" Ever since I saw this movie I find myself asking the same question. I try different answers on it to see if they feel right. Spending time with my friends. Enjoying everyday to the fullest. Those just don't work. I do enjoy spending time with friends and I do try to enjoy whatever I have to do. So the question is why do I still feel like I'm lacking something? Why do I still feel like a piece of me is gone? The only answer that feels right to the question, "What is happiness to you?" that feels right deep down is "Fulfilling my purpose." As a Cristian I believe there is a purpose for me, but that just leaves me with another question. What is my purpose? Why am I unhappy with who I am? What can I do about it? Can you change who you are to find out who you are? Maybe who I think I am is just another layer covering something else. And on and on it goes. Who am I? I'm not the first person to ask these questions, and just like them I fear I won't find an answer. Current Mood:  contemplative |
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